Looking back the three years , its seems like an eternity . Lots changed , I have found new paths , new ideas , shed lot of my old ideas . Seriously into philosophy , literature and religion . Have moved a long distance from where I was when I parted ways with my college friends . I cannot at times even open common conversation with yesteryear friends , what a costly price to pay for . The path I took upon myself is lonely it seems .
My discovery of jeyamohan should be considered a turning point . Have been talking to his writings personally , I know him a lot but I remain a stranger to him .
I am full of contradictions in myself , at times willing to be a Gandhian simultaneously being so much a consumerist .
Most times in a state of madness , pursuing things most people will not do at my age . Unable to accept the most simplest of beliefs that most people tend to have . Its like standing in wilderness , standing under the sky with no roof on top .
Literature ensures madness , that is what it is , unthinkable madness . I am sure people will brand me as a failure , I simply cant see something as a career today , just searching probing .
An unthinkable amount of loneliness, once my friend asked ‘What you planned to do in life ? ‘ . ‘Is there anything to do ?’ baffled me . ‘Are you planning to switch companies ? ‘ ‘What you work for ? ‘ . These are questions I simply cant answer now , I may never be able to answer these questions .
To be frank and vulgar its seems I just need some money to sustain life , to travel , to read , which is what my work ensures me .
I am trying my best to live a simple life , taking inspiration from Gandhi for a simple life . A life am dependent on frugal amount of money , constantly striving feeling let down at times . Testing times a phase of life !